yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
