My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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