Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
