just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
