I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
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fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
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There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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