did you get engaged???
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
