Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
