The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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