she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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