home. puking in laundry basket.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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