you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
