My girlfriend figured out who you are.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
