What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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