Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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