I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
