she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
