FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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