You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
it's like heaven, but drunker
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
