Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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