He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
