I must be too annoying 4 u.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
