it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
