her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
