It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
