i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
