you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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