just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
