i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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