I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
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Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
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Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.