K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.