wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner