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• (480): View more from Arizona

  The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.

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• (234): View more from Ohio

  No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.

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  I don't know what to judge you more for.

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• (805): View more from California

  Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"

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  If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things

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• (817): View more from Texas

  They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.

  (817): View more from Texas

  You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded

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• (707): View more from California

  Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.

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  23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.

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• (516): View more from New York

  Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice

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