I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
