her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
