I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
