when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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