I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
