I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
