one might say we're banned from that church
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
