at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
