imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
