At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
