I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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