so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
