Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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