You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
