there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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