for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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