am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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