i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
