i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
