yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
