I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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