Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
