Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
