i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
