come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
