Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
