May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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