I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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