That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
