btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
