What did we do last night that was yellow?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
