I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
