my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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