yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I am available for nakedness
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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