When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
