saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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