I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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