Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
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I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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