Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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