woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
