I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
