Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
