hell yes lets make some ravioli
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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