he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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